In the past couple of weeks I have been forced to take a pause. Part of it, is just the lack of energy I have from being pregnant. The extreme fatigue really got me. I’m not going to lie, I underestimated the amount of rest I would really need and the amount I needed to slow down.
The other part is caused by grief. My husband’s mother recently passed and I, again undestimated the amount of pause I needed to take to deal with this situation. You know, being a wife and mom in this type of situation is an interesting thing. My priority was to provide an environment of peace and comfort for my husband. So, when my husband got home I wanted the house perfect. So I got my tired butt up and made sure he walked into a clean environment. My way of comforting is to grieve with you. That alone is exhausting. Too grieve with someone is to open up yourself and allow yourself to feel their pain and express your own pain. And since, I loved his mom, there was a lot of it. There’s also the balance of being there for the kids, who also are grieving, while being there for your husband, and yourself. And although I reduced my workload, by sheer necessity, I still worked. Now, I’m someone who can juggle a lot of things at one time, but with all this I noticed my brain stopped fully producing at it’s previous level. And I knew, it was time for a pause.
So, I did. I created moments where I required nothing of myself. I gave myself the freedom of imperfection. I took away busyness and gave myself Still. In Still I got my confidence back, not only in myself but in God. I got the confidence that if I couldn’t keep up with life God would step in and would not only create an atmosphere where there would be enough, but more than enough. More than enough support, more than enough time, more than enough restoration, more than enough money. More than enough.
In Still, I also found out that I was fully equipped to handle the current moment. There was no need to operate at full speed because in my “equipment bag” I had every tool I needed. If I could be Still long enough I could pull out the tool for the problem at hand. It was in me, but I only could find it if I was still.
So what’s the take away, take time to pause. You don’t have to be pregnant or lose a loved one to come to a place where you need to be still. Just know that in the stillness there is clarity, in the stillness there is healing, and in the stillness there is strength. You don’t have to be perfect, you have to pause and take a break.